


Pushing Me Away From You

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I don't know what I should tag this as, Multi, Rated teen because there's some cussing, Suga is really salty in this, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 07:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4617174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sugawara Koushi has never been very good with words</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pushing Me Away From You

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying not to let myself get in a slump and stop writing for months again, so I'm trying to write consistently. 
> 
> This started out as Daisuga fluff then it was going to be Daisuga angst and now it's just...this. 
> 
> I listened to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXRviuL6vMY) on repeat endlessly while I was writing this, so if you're into that kind of thing, go ahead and take a listen. 
> 
> Anyway, as usual, if I catch any errors anytime, I will go ahead and fix them. 
> 
> Hope you like it!

Sugawara Koushi’s words never seemed to come out the way he wanted them to. Some days, they would be mangled and twisted around so that the original meaning was lost, and other days, instead of removing barriers, they would only serve to build them up. Many times, he would find himself saying things like “I’m ok” when he really meant “I’m unhappy”, or “Leave me alone” when he only wanted to say “Please don’t go”. On particularly nasty occasions, Suga would curse his ineptitude and dig his nails into his palms and his teeth into his lips, and choke on all the things he had meant to say, but never did. 

The only person who ever seemed to understand what Suga truly ever wanted to say was Daichi. Whenever Suga was stressed out and high strung, his motions too quick, his eyes flitting about nervously, Daichi would wait for him after practice, and without saying anything, would simply stay there while Suga grit his teeth and clenched his fists and cursed his existence in general. 

If Suga was ever asked to describe Daichi in one word, he would say “stable”. The single word carried a heavy weight with it. It held images of Daichi comforting Suga when he was upset, Daichi texting him in the dead of night after Suga would be unable to sleep, Daichi making sure that Suga wasn’t too stressed and that he was ok. Suga would only say one word, but that word carried more meaning than any singular person could possibly grasp. For Suga, “stable” was a promise. It meant solid, like a rock, a comforting presence, a quiet warmth. It meant that no matter how stressed Suga became, no matter how poorly he did on a test or how many nights he would go without sleep, no matter what, Daichi would still be there, a shoulder for Suga to lean on. 

When he thinks back on those earlier memories, of high school and stability and comfort, he can’t help but wonder if it was inevitable that he would fall in love. 

It wasn’t an invasive presence in his everyday life, if he was being perfectly honest. The knowledge that he loved Daichi was simply there, not occupying any space, almost like fog rolling through the streets in the morning. He never considered bringing it up in conversation, and the realization merely stagnated in the back of his brain as his life went on. 

Suga met Michimiya Yui in his third year of high school. She was bubbly, cute, and had known Daichi since middle school. Suga wondered if it was possible for people to appear out of thin air. The way she had busted her way into his life was exuberant, almost obnoxious, and he couldn’t help but be irritated by her presence whenever she arrived. Maybe it was because of the way she looked at Daichi. 

Suga never felt quite at ease when she was around. Something about her always made him uncomfortable. She smiled far more than necessary, but it never reached her eyes. Her movements were flighty and indecisive, like a butterfly almost. No, more like a beetle. A shiny black scuttling insect that Suga never really wanted around but seemed to always be there anyway. 

Despite Suga’s opinions on Yui, Daichi always seemed happy in her presence, his smiles growing slightly wider, his eyes brighter, his stature more relaxed. Every time Suga saw those reactions, he was torn between wanting to vomit and devising some way to get Yui transferred to another school. Or even better, dead. 

Suga had never considered himself a particularly bitter person, but something about the warmth between Daichi and Yui made him curl his lip with disgust and turn the other way whenever they were together. Jealously never was a particularly pretty thing, but it looked especially ugly on Suga’s face. 

Despite the bitterness and jealousy, despite the fond looks shared between his crush and that damn beetle, Suga never said much about it. He chose instead to play the part of the supportive best friend, smiling fondly at Yui with barely a hint of disgust written on his face. When Daichi first mentioned bringing candy on Valentine’s Day for her, Suga had recommended the candy shop three blocks away. When Yui had asked Suga on advice for winning Daichi over, Suga had swallowed down the bile in his throat, put on a winning smile, and told Yui that Daichi liked girls who were determined. 

When Daichi first told Suga that he and Yui were together, Suga had said “Congratulations”, when he really meant “Fuck you, fuck me, fuck this, fuck everything, and _especially_ fuck her.” 

The three of them graduated, went to college, stayed close despite everything, and each settled into their own rhythms. Daichi and Yui were still dating, much to Suga’s chagrin, but there wasn’t much he could do. He would never notice the possessive looks Yui would send him, or how when Daichi was drunk he would ramble on and on about his “amazing, totally awesome” best friend. He would remain blissfully unaware of the fact that maybe, just maybe, things could have turned out to be very, very different. 

Yui was the one who proposed. She got down on one knee while the three of them had been walking through the park on a chilly winter morning. The ring was a simple silver band, and even though Daichi seemed just the slightest bit hesitant, just a little bit uncomfortable, he took the ring, and Yui popped up for a big, slobbery kiss. In that particular moment, Suga would think that she reminded him of a dog. A Chihuahua maybe, all shaky and excitable and covered in piss. 

The wedding was a happy occasion, with flowers spilling off of every available surface. Everywhere he looked, he saw ranunculuses and daffodils and daisies and even the occasional sunflower. The flowers provided bursts of color against an otherwise stagnant white background. The flower in Yui’s hair was a gentle yellow buttercup. 

Daichi’s favorite color had always been blue. 

The tux Yui had picked out was itchy and just barely too tight. Suga fiddled with his noxious yellow bowtie, which felt more like a dog collar than anything. The speech he had planned rested heavily in his pocket, and even though the wedding was outside, Suga felt as if walls were steadily pressing in around him. 

When Daichi and Yui exchanged vows, Suga pursed his lips. When they slipped the rings onto each other’s fingers, he almost left in the middle of the ceremony. He didn’t watch when Daichi swept Yui into a kiss. He trailed along behind the crowd of happy wedding goers, and didn’t make a very sincere effort to speak with anyone. 

As the best man, Suga had a speech prepared, and as the reception wore on and he downed more and more glasses of champagne, he felt bitter. Bitter, like wormwood or black coffee, bitter at the realization that he had _lost._ He had lost Daichi to that damn beetle, that scuttled around with beady eyes and a hard black shell and buzzing wings. At every adoring look Yui shot Daichi’s way, at every dance they shared and kisses they exchanged, Suga could feel his eyes narrowing, his lip curling, his words become harsher and more clipped as the night went on. 

His speech was relatively average, as far as speeches went. 

He held the microphone in front of him loosely, and tried to school his features into something resembling fondness for the happy couple. 

“I met Daichi and Yui in high school, and from the very start you could tell that Yui was the kind of person that drew Daichi out of his shell.” He started off with simple descriptors of their early relationship, leaving out the gritty details and the tinge of jealousy in his voice. The words dripped from his lips like water from a leaky faucet, taking ages to fall and leaving many with a sense of dissatisfaction. 

“She has always been very kind to him, and always blatantly head over heels. Absolutely no one was surprised to hear that she was the one who proposed.” He continued on blithely, not really placing any inflection or indication of affection in his voice. Yui looked about ready to march up to him and smack him into actually meaning the words he spoke. 

“As Daichi’s best friend,” he trudged onward, deliberately leaving out any mention of being Yui’s friend, “I supported him wholeheartedly when he said that they were dating. I was so excited and happy for him, it was incredible.” Now, the only words he spoke were blatant lies. 

He wrapped up his speech with generic well-wishes and empty jokes. As he went on, he couldn’t help but think that his words are betraying him yet again. 

“I wish the couple the best of days”, he said, when all he really wanted to say was “She doesn’t deserve you.” 

“I hope you guys are happy together.” He continued, when he meant “I love you, and I wish you felt the same.” 

“It’s been a joy to see you guys grow closer,” he assured, when all he meant was “I am alone now.” 

He finished with a half-hearted toast and was greeted with unenthusiastic applause. He downed the rest of his champagne and sulked as the Maid of Honor began her speech. 

He went home early that night, with his goodbyes sounding hollow to his own ears and his eyes lacking their usual vigor. Suga didn’t feel particularly proud of himself for being so bitter, but at the same time, he lacked the energy to try and actually feel better. 

In the beginning, when Yui and Daichi had first become an item, Suga had felt shaky, unstable, lacking in support. It had felt as if Daichi had yanked his foundation out from underneath him. But now, after the deed was done and Yui had stolen Suga’s foundation away for good, he only felt tired. Exhausted, as though his bones were lead and his heart was only dead weight, as though he had been walking for miles to reach a destination only to find that what he needed wasn’t there. 

He was just so very, very tired. 

As time went on, Daichi and Suga didn’t really speak as much. Every time Suga went to visit Daichi and Yui, his stomach would tie itself in knots and force bile up his throat, and he would be overcome with the overwhelming urge to shout and scream in Yui’s face. Though Suga would never admit it, he couldn’t help but think of Yui as a thief, a dirty criminal who stole everything that mattered to him. 

After a while he just stopped coming to visit. 

The years slipped by, slowly and yet too quickly at the same time, each day excruciating but passing by in a blink. Suga never tried dating again. The few times he had come close, he had been dismissed as overprotective or too bitter. He rarely smiled, rarely laughed, and passed through his days with a blank look on his face, as if he was waiting in a long line that never ended. 

Six years later, Sugawara Koushi opened the door to his apartment, only to find Michimiya Yui and Sawamura Daichi standing in the doorway. Two small children, a boy and a girl, hid behind their father’s legs, peering up at Suga with wide, mildly suspicious eyes. Daichi smiled broadly, his hand loosely grasping Yui’s. 

“Hey, Koushi! It’s been a while, and we were in town. Did you want to go do something, for old times’ sake?” Daichi’s face was open, hopeful. Suga stared at him for a moment. 

The only sound that emerged from the hallway was that of Suga slamming the door in Daichi’s face. 

**Author's Note:**

> I swear to god I don't actually hate Yui.
> 
> This isn't the best thing I have ever written, but I had fun writing it and I don't completely hate it so here you go. 
> 
> I have a [tumblr](http://disgustingweeabootrash.tumblr.com/) if you want to yell at me about things.


End file.
